fumbling friday, 12/4

Dear goodness when I went to bed last night I thought things were looking up.  I was wrong.  I woke up today down deeper than I’ve been all week, and I thought I’d been down enough already.  It was grey and raining again, and I couldn’t get myself out of bed until mid-morning.  My face is breaking out, so I know I’m detoxing pretty hard off all the sugar of the last two weeks, but what I’m starting to appreciate now is the huge energy and effort that went into writing that novel.  75,000 words in thirty days is a pretty signifigant accomplishment, one that took a whole lot of focus.  I think I’ll just settle into the greiving of it and stop beating myself up for feeling what I can only imagine post-partum feels like.  More tea, please.  And another blankee.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, cinnamon, almonds, water, raisins; traditional medicinals chai.  Didn’t feel like adding the greens this morning.  Called my girlfriends and sobbed.  Took myself out for a massage, which fortunately I had scheduled last week.

Lunch:  lentil dal burger with ketchup; brussels sprouts; curried butternut soup with pepitas and pomegranate.  After the massage I went to Whole Foods, that always makes me feel better.  Got the burger and mini-cabbages from their hot food bar, and heated up the last of the soup when I got home.  That I started crying when the pomegranate seeds sank to the bottom of the soup bowls tells me I’m still not out of the woods yet.

Dinner:  apple spice pancakes with butter and syrup; green beans; sausage; water.  Breakfast dinner.  Pure comfort food.  I had therapy late afternoon, and then got myself cleaned up, painted my face and went in to work.  Hours later I was feeling like I’d done some good and had gotten out of my own head for a while, and so was able to ask myself what I really wanted for dinner.  Breakfast dinner!  was the resounding reply, so I whipped up these tasty treats.  Green beans qualify as comfort food when I eat them with my fingers.  Watched “Dan in Real Life” and went to bed.  We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

torrential thursday 12/3

Ooooh. Not a good day.  Felt like I was breathing quicksand most of the day.  You know, I’m don’t get depressed every time I have sugar, but every marked bout of depression follows a major sugar indulgence.  I’m thinking the last two weeks of desserts everyday qualifies.  Jeez Louise, am I struggling today.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, apples, almonds, ginger, arugula; traditional medicinals chai.  Insult to injury, it’s a gloriously sunny day.  Now I feel guilty about feeling depressed, which is making me more depressed.  That’s it.  I’m going to just curl up on the couch and stare out the window.  Maybe read a book.

Lunch:  gallons of hot honeybush tea by the mugful; baked potato with olive oil; kraut balls with mustard and ketchup; curried butternut soup; arugula with avocado and dulse; water.  After I read the book I felt a little better, so I pulled on jeans and went for a walk by the river.  After the walk I felt a little better, so I pulled together this gorgeous lunch and at it outside.  After lunch I really rallied – took a shower and went into the office.

Dinner:  scrambled eggs with chives; carrot raisin Manna bread toasted with butter; green beans.  Got home late from work, ate this and watched 30 Rock.  No, I don’t think green beans “go” with scrambled eggs, but I wanted veggies.  And knowing that I tend to not eat when I’m depressed, wanting any food at all was a very good sign, so I went with it.

running wednesday, 12/2

I was running around all day today, in the rain and damp and cold.  My mood suited the weather more than the activity.  Had some great food today, though, at some of my favorite places with some of my favorite people.  Truth told, by the end of the day my mood had lifted a bit.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, apple, almonds, water, ginger, cranberries; traditional medicinals chai.

Lunch:  beets with field greens and chevre; veal pate with greens and cornichons.  Birthday lunch at Restaurant Eve with my friend Holly.  Love it!  Got to say a quick “hi” to Cathal, who shook my hand and seemed to remember me, so that made me feel like a rock star.  When I worked at the Dairy Godmother he’d come in each week to get custard for the restaurant, and I’d help him load the cooler.  My brush with fame.

Snack:  decaf with soy milk; 80% cacao chocolate; cashews, apple.  It may sound like a small thing, but someday I’m going to strike it rich and go back to my decaf soy no foam lattes.  Plain decaf with two fingers of soy milk is fine, but why does the steamed milk and espresso taste so much better?  It’s like a warm, creamy milkshake. I miss it.

Dinner:  tuna; sweet potatoes with tahini sauce; broccoli with ginger sauce; brown rice; water.  The tuna bento box from Teaism, enjoyed while brainstorming storytelling ideas with my friend Andrew.  First time in ages I’ve been to Teaism and not had the salmon ochazuke bowl, and as Benedict Arnold as it may be, I liked the bento box better.  More flavors, more going on, and that ginger sauce!  First time EVER I’ve been to Teaism and not had a salty oat cookie.  Oy.

Snack:  warm almond milk with vanilla and almond butter.  This was my creamy sweet treat.  I’m a little bereft and my psyche is confused that I went to Eve and Teaism and somehow got no dessert.  The “somehow” was utter and complete will power, I’ll tell you that.  I’m trying to wean off my 24 out of 30 days of dessert that was November.  It pains me.

totally tuesday, 12/1

Welcome to December!  As I write this on Wednesday I’m trying to remember Tuesday. Luckily, I’ve got the pictures, and nothing jogs my memory like photos of food.  Just a glance at what I had for lunch and I can remember the conversations and mood of the afternoon.  One of my favorite sayings is: “Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you who you are.”  My personal corollary to that is:  “Show me what I ate and I’ll tell you what I did that day.” 

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, parsley, almonds, cranberries, cinnamon, apples, water; traditional medicinals chai.

Lunch:  mache, kale, leftover salmon from Carlyle, avocado, dulse, sunflower seeds; blue corn chips; water.  Oh it was just gorgeous yesterday, I can see that in the photo and instantly recall how lovely it was to sit down by the river and eat my lunch.  I also remember the nice half mile walk down there, smiling at the good looking man walking his dog on Prince Street and the sweet potato I saw on the walk back to work.  Yeah, a sweet potato.  No idea what it was doing up there…

Snack:  cashews, cranberries, grain-sweetened chocolate chips; decaf with soy.

Dinner:  green beans; curried butternut soup; sausage; cornbread with butter and syrup; water.  It all got cold as I talked on the phone with half a dozen friends who called thorughout the evening.  And after this, being that there was nothing on TV, I went to bed early.  Very nice.

triumphant monday, 11/30

Yup, my novel is done, done, done.  I wrapped it up with a bow (literally, I printed it out and tied a ribbon around it), and now, per Stephen King’s “On Writing”, I’ll set it aside for six weeks or so and then pull it out, read it, and start editing for  second draft.  Oh, the wonder of authentic accomplishment.  I feel so content!

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, parsley, apples, cinnamon, water, almonds; traditional medicinals chai.

Snack:  whole wheat cranberry orange english muffin; rooibos tea; chocolate chip cookies, decaf (not pictured).  Met some friends for a midday coffee chat – someone made cookies.  I know I said no dessert until Christmas, but I think that has to start Dec 1.  Tomorrow.  It will start tomorrow.

Lunch:  curried butternut soup with pomegranate; black bean quesadilla with sour cream and avocado.  Made the soup yesterday, the flavors are really great now.  Leftover second half of Whole Foods quesadilla.  This is about a $2.25 lunch.  Love it.

Snack:  eclair and sparkling cider.  Celebratory treats.  I wrote a novel, you know.  The cider is organic.  Eclair came from Caboose in Del Ray, and lucky for me, it was not fabulous.  I won’t miss it when my dessert hiatus starts tomorrow.

Dinner:  scrambled eggs with chives and tarragon; english muffin; water.  Monday night.  Watched TV.  Took a soaky bath and went to bed early.  Back to my real, non-novel writing life tomorrow.

stunning sunday, 11/29

Finished my novel.  That’s the biggest news of all.  It was a great day, I got up early and knocked out some ankle biter, personal administration type stuff and then met my friend Jennifer at Carlyle for a belated birthday brunch.  Home again, I started to write, and late afternoon typed the big THE END.  Wonderful.  Thanks to NaNoWriMo for the inspiration.

Brunch:  traditional medicinals chai; salmon salad, decaf, carrot raisin bread.  I love Carlyle.  Who doesn’t?  But my, any other color plate, please.  Ick.

Linner:  arugula, avocado; curried butternut soup; black bean quesadilla with sour cream; water.  Made the soup while I wrote.  It was delicious.  The quesadilla came from Whole Foods, I’ll get two meals out of it.

Dessert:  coconut cake; blood orange sorbet; decaf.  All the cookies, cakes, ice cream, etc is now out of the house.  I’ve hit all the frozen, hidden stashes and with this novel finished, my biggest point of focus for December is to get back to work and to cut out the refined sugar.  Seriously.  No dessert until Christmas.  Can she do it?  Heck, she wrote a novel in thirty days.   She can do anything.

more social saturday, 11/28

I’m working on easing myself back into reality – I took a shower today, took a walk by the river, met a friend for dinner.  I also made English Muffins, which is something I’ve always wanted to try.  They’re pretty labor intensive, and there’s a lot of “allow the dough to double”, so it was an all morning project.  And I wrote another 5,000 words for my novel.  I’ve got two days left, and my main character has two more major bits for me to write about before she’s done, so I think it’s going to work out just right.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, apples, ginger, parsley, almonds, almond milk; traditional medicinals chai.

Lunch:  heat and eat mixed vegetables.  They were left over from this summer, Graceland Farm CSA, I’d stored them in the freezer.  See my english muffins?  I made them square instead of round.

Snack:  homemade whole wheat english muffins with orange zest and fresh cranberries.  I’m going to make them again, round next time and thicker.

Dinner:  tom ga kai; fresh spring rolls; pad thai with tofu.  Met Eric for dinner.  Was so shell shocked to be out of the house I totally forgot to take a picture.

Dessert:  the last half of that pint of pistachio ice cream.  Sat on the couch, stared at the TV, and schemed how to wrap up my novel’s plot in the next two days.

black friday, 11/27

In terms of ink on paper, this Friday was indeed in the black.  I cranked out 10,000 words today, which is totally doable if you get up at 8am, stay up until 11pm, and only leave the house for twenty minutes to walk over to Safeway and buy a newspaper.  I didn’t bother with a shower; I did pause for lunch although dinner was spotty - it was all writing, all the time.  I share this with you in case there’s some creative pursuit you’re passionate about, some endeavor you’ve always wanted to undertake but have thought you couldn’t possibly allow yourself the pleasure.  I’m here to tell you that you CAN.  You can check out for a day and just do whatever you want to do.  The world will not stop spinning.  The bank will not repossess your car. You won’t do irreparable damage to your family or undermine your social life.  It’s one day.  They’ll hardly miss you.  I hereby formally give you permission to follow your bliss and indulge your muse.  And on the day after Thanksgiving, what could be more appropriate?

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, almonds, cranberries, parsley, cinnamon, water; traditional medicinals chai.

Lunch:  honeybush tea; rooibos tea; mint tea; tomatoes with dulse; field greens with balsamic; mashed potatoes; baby carrots; kraut balls and mustard.

Snack:  mocha mint cupcake; decaf.  Birthday celebration continues.  And creativity seems to require sugar.  I’ve had sugar 23 out of 27 days this month. Based on past experience, I’m due for a crash soon, and it won’t be pretty.  Hope it happens after midnight on Monday, though, that’s the dropdead end of National Novel Writing Month.

Dinner:  brown rice fusilli, tomato sauce, kale, sunflower seeds.  After this I ate half a pint of pistachio ice cream and a bowl of popcorn while I stared at the TV and gave my hands and brain a rest.

thanksgiving thursday, 11/26

Mostly wrote today.  Am up to 53K words for NaNo, which means I “win”, but for me winning isn’t just hitting the 50K, it’s finishing the novel.  So I’m still writing.  Focused.  Dedicated.  Eye on the prize.  I think I’ve got 20K more words to make it happen, and three days to do it.  Go team go.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, cranberries, almonds, parsley, water, cinnamon, traditional medicinals chai.

Lunch:  honeybush tea; rooibos tea; mint tea; some field greens with balsamic.  Kinda forgot to eat lunch.  Totally forgot to take a picture of the greens.  Was writing. 

Dinner:  roast beef with a creamy cranberry horseradish sauce; yorkies with butter; kale ceviche with pomegranates; cranberry sauce; mashed potatoes with gravy; green beans almondine; sparkling apple cider; water.  My wonderful friends Heidi and Sean had me over for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was delicious.  We laughed alot.  I am very grateful.

Dessert:  pumpkin roll with Haagen Dazs dulce de leche ice cream; decaf.  Oh, yeah, I’m happy now.

wheezy wednesday, 11/25

It was cold and damp and dreary again.  There is not enough product in the world to control my hair in this weather.  I can’t take it anymore.  I’m gonna have to move to Arizona.

Breakfast:  lemon water; oats, apples, cinnamon, almonds, water; traditional medicinals chai.

Snack:  decaf soy latte.  I seriously bought this for the sole purpose of  test driving my new cup cosy.  My friend Rachel made me this for my birthday. Isn’t it gorgeous?  Love it!

Lunch:  hamburger; water.  I hit Burger Joint – they sent me a birthday coupon for a free burger!  Good thing I took the picture before I started eating it, my taste for rare meat is pretty much socially unacceptable.  This thing was so rare it wouldn’t even hold itself together as a patty.  It was perfect.

Dinner:  mint tea; honeybush tea; water; green beans; carrots; baked potato with chives and sour cream; corn with pepper and parsley; avocado with dulse; tomato and mayo.  I was just dyin’ for some vegetables.  Most of this was Graceland Farm from the freezer.  I’ve craved tomato all week, and although this looked good, let’s face it, tomato is just plain out of season.  Bleck.